‘The Letter’ - Awakening to Your Contact
Copyright Mary Rodwell
Excerpt from the book ‘Awakening’ by Mary Rodwell.
There is a huge misconception in the public arena that people who have Contact with extraterrestrials, are believers in UFO’s and are sci fi fanatics. Research indicates that a vast majority are totally ‘unaware” what they are experiencing is Contact with non human intelligences. This article demonstrates many of them are confused about their experiences, and it may be through a book or television program they ‘wake up’ to their Contact. This letter is from a mature, educated man, (one of many hundreds) sent to me as principal of ACERN, it demonstrates clearly the ‘wake up’ process. For David it was a book he had just read which acted as the catalyst for his ‘awakening”
Note: David’s original letter was 33 pages. I have only included a small part of his letter.
Frankly, I was still rather concerned about contacting you, and very nervous about it. But I know I need to talk to someone directly about what has been happening to me for most of my life. It scares the hell out of me, but I know I cannot avoid it any more.
At first I denied that I had been abducted. I think that I do not want to face what I have to talk about. But, deep down I know I will have to at some time or other. I am concerned about privacy in this. I suppose that is also a cause of my reluctance. It is not just a question of ridicule, though that does come into it. I think it would seriously affect my career. I think the friend I have told is now having difficulties with my having told him.
When I was six or seven years old a bridge had broken in a bad flood. I fell off while crossing the narrow plank. I could not swim. Then I felt someone helping me, and I was guided across the current until I was able to grab a cable that was supporting a crane. I looked around to thank the person who saved me, but there was no one there. Nor had there been. In subsequent times in my life, during various crises I have often felt some reassuring presence, as if someone was guiding me, helping me, or protecting me.
All my life I have been very frightened with some unknown fear, yet behind it there seems to be someone protecting me or at least there. It is hard to understand, and very hard to describe. Fear again, nervousness, anger frustration, sheer fury, and glimmers of something that perhaps I do not want to know, fear again. I have never been able to talk about these things at all to anyone. I have difficulty thinking about them, much less writing about them. I found that as I was reading the “book” I was crying, and am now, and I am not sure why?
As I read, I found myself steadily getting more disturbed, and more upset. At first I was just interested, more or less academically. As I read more, I began to get so disturbed that I actually took the book back to the library, as I felt it was just becoming too uncomfortable to handle. I began to get a bit frightened, scared when I thought I was reading things that were a bit too close to the bone. The dreams that were not dreams (more ‘real’ than dreams.) I couldn't move and couldn’t see or hear anything at all, but only experience sheer terror. The feeling over the years that someone was playing with my mind.
As a boy I was slowly made aware that I was in some way different, and the things that happened to me did not happened to other boys. Then there was the scary feeling that someone was there sometimes. I would look around but there was never anyone there. The 'watching' did not somehow seem to be in the physical sense at all, it was as if I was being watched from the 'inside.' It was not that I felt that I was in any danger, it was just that I could feel someone there. Someone who was somehow experiencing what I was experiencing, feeling what I was feeling. Some marks occasionally, sometimes a little painful. Some unexplained tenderness would occur from time to time. These things usually appeared overnight. Many of them were on my head, sometimes around my temples.
I would like to mention that I found a small 'cut' above the top joint of my middle finger on the left hand this morning. Though not painful it was tender. It was definitely not there yesterday. The easiest way to describe it is to say that it looks like a bit has been scooped out. I was surprisingly tired this morning, what I had forgotten completely was that I have quite often had similar cuts, scoops, whatever on me.
As a child I would sometimes wake up the wrong way around in the bed, or sitting up, or trying to go somewhere, or trying to get back into bed. This coincides either with certain really nasty nightmares, or when I found some weird thoughts or information in my mind the next day. I feel someone is also reading my thoughts and it makes me feel scared.
Sometimes I have woken up to feel that there is someone in the room, or a presence or just something. I always felt that I was paralysed, could not move at all, but nothing was ever holding me, or tying me down. I would always be tired afterwards as if I had not had proper sleep. I was always too frightened to tell anyone about it. I had completely forgotten another very frightening dream. It was quite simply one eye, first in the distance, then coming very slowly towards me, as if to envelope me. There was no sound. Again I could not move at all. The eye was very big even in the distance, and black. The eye seemed to hang there. It never reached me, but somehow was always getting closer and bigger, yet stayed just that little distance away, even though it gradually got closer.
I endured a lot of bullying at school. Much of this was verbal. I was considered to be 'different,' I actually did not realise “how” I was different though. I think that deep down I have always known there was a difference, and try as I may I would never be 'like others.'
As a child I frequently had quite long periods of time that I could not account for. I go for long walks alone away from people and try to find parks and remote areas in which to walk, and it is during these walks that this occurs. I always felt strongly impelled to take these walks, a kind of compulsion, and almost feel that I have no choice in taking them, somehow more than just my need for solitude.
I was aware of knowledge being implanted in my mind from outside. I get all the information, complete with all the details already in my mind. I can also get warnings not to pursue certain courses of action and that I would be adversely affected if I did. On the few occasions I have ignored my intuition the result has been very bad for me. I could not tell anyone about it, because what could I tell them, that someone was playing with my mind or taking bits of information out and putting it back again? In tutorials some lecturers were puzzled by my perception and often asked where I got my information?
The headaches I put down to weak eyes. I feel now that there was a strong connection between the headaches and the information I was receiving. I feel that the information was directly responsible for them, as if my mind was being taxed beyond it's natural limits and causing me to have the headaches.
I began to get much more information and those feelings of panic arose again for no apparent reason. I knew that my aunt had cancer, I knew that she would die. When she did eventually get sick I nursed her until she died some years later. Her death was a terrible loss, made worse by my knowledge that she was going to die long before it had been diagnosed.
I do not consider myself to be an abductee, I merely know my mind has been interfered with. I think that deep down I have really known for a very long time from whence the source came, but I could not articulate it. Then when I began to suspect, I feared it and indeed my own sanity for even thinking it. Then when I read 'the book' I began to panic when I realised there was so much there that I did not want to know.
I have never had any problems with the concept of life from other sources outside our planet or solar system. It is quite obvious to me that there is. And it has always been obvious. I had heard of people having had contact with 'aliens,' but this was always remote and it applied to other people. I have almost consciously never read anything about this. It’s almost as if I have been trying to avoid it, or someone has been trying to make me avoid reading about it.
As I have said, I do not consider that I have been abducted, so there should have been no fear of reading about it. I wanted to know the source of my knowledge. I have been trying to pretend it is not happening and that I do not have such information implanted in my mind. Several times early in my life, puzzled adults said to my parents that I seemed to know a lot about things that normally young children did not know about. I remember my dentist being a little surprised, when as a ten or eleven year old I began to talk to him about my body as being a unified whole, and that the whole being a reflection of the part.
When first I began to suspect “where “ the information was coming from I could not accept it at all. I rejected it out of hand as being something that could not have happened to me, and I felt very uncomfortable about it, and then angry. It is interesting now as I look back I realise that I was starting to know where the source of my information was coming from even before I read anything about it in the 'book.' As I said, I had avoided reading about the subject previously, or even thinking about it. The reason I almost took the book back was because I knew instinctively it was somehow relevant to me, but it was not something I could accept. It was too strange, too frightening, and too weird for me to accept.
When I got the 'book' it hit me hard and upset me tremendously. It made me cry, and that is not something I do easily. I am not ashamed to cry, but if I cry I want a reason for it, and to understand why I am so upset and not just experiencing some unknown, irrational, and uncontrollable fear. The book brought this fear into consciousness, and then quite suddenly I knew what was happening to me.
Other symptoms I have are sensitive ears and eyes. I can't take the grating noise of pop music and I get super sensitive to light.
I have had some out of body experiences. Most of these are in my sleep; mostly I was just looking down at myself sleeping. Some were when I was a child, some as an adult.
I cannot understand why I am so frightened about it. I am not an abductee; all I get is information put in and occasionally borrowed so why am I fearful of that and especially at night? Why do I stay up as long as possible and try to stay awake to avoid losing consciousness? Just exactly what am I afraid of? And I am, very much.
The other thing that disturbs me is that my mind is being probed. It was bad enough when I thought, or tried to tell myself that it was just some form of telepathy by someone who belonged here. I know that if they can put this information in and borrow it, then they can also know anything else I am thinking. I hate that. It was bad enough when I didn't know the source, it's much worse now that I know what they are. That not only scares me, it makes me furious, it scares me when I wonder just what else they could do? I feel so absolutely powerless and that scares me very much, as much as anything else.
There are some things I have not written down for various reasons, basically I am still trying to work them out. I am having trouble with them, and I do not want to be
considered paranoid, or hysterical, or hallucinating or whatever.
I have just finished reading the epilogue of the book and was fascinated to read about spirituality. One of the main reasons I took up with meditation was a search for help spiritually, which I could not find in religion, or anywhere else. One of my other main themes is that of the materialistic nature of society in the world now, and a diminution of real value. Another theme is about what we are doing physically to our world in the way of pollution and the general mistreatment and poisoning of our planet.
I have views on 'alien' intervention and abductions. And views regarding the human soul and humanity and 'other' beings in the universe including the sum total of universes that exist, our own and those outside our own. I know somehow that my mind has been interfered with by these sources. I seem to know with absolute certainty, that I have understood the other many experiences that I have had. I know it in the same way that I knew those awful premonitions. I so wish I were wrong. The obvious question I have to sort out is, why me? I wish it would go away, but I know it will not. I wish that it were not happening to me, that I could just have an ordinary life. Why me and for what purpose?”
David’s letter clearly demonstrates many “classic” patterns of Contact. Continual questioning, confusion fears and concerns about his sanity. He eventually realises this is some form of ‘contact.’ Traumatised, the trauma was not just from his experiences, but feelings of isolation. David mentions “ psi abilities” precognition, (ability to 'see' future events) ’down-loading’ of information and awareness of multi-dimensional realities. The desire towards spiritual growth, with ecological and planetary concerns. These relate to the transformative changes experienced through Contact.
Awakening, How Extraterrestrial Contact can transform your life. Mary Rodwell RN
(Fortune Books Ltd 2002) Republished by Avatar Publications(2005)
Abduction ………….Ann Andrews and Jean Ritchie
London Headline (1998)